


Can You Slash Green Eggs and Ham?

by redscharlach



Category: DR. SEUSS - Works
Genre: Crack, Humor, Multi, Parody, Poetry, Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-05
Updated: 2013-03-05
Packaged: 2017-12-04 10:24:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 762
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/709694
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/redscharlach/pseuds/redscharlach
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Could you slash green eggs and ham?<br/>Could you be that kind of fan?<br/>You might not slash them, so you say<br/>But read some fanfic, and you may...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Can You Slash Green Eggs and Ham?

_I'm Madam!_  
 _Madam Spam!_  
 _A fan I am!_

That Madam Spam.  
That Madam Spam.  
I do not like  
folk who post spam!

_Could you slash_  
 _green eggs and ham?_

I could not slash them,  
Madam Spam.  
I would not slash  
green eggs and ham.

_Would you slash them_  
 _here or there?_

I would not slash them  
here or there.  
Not if you tied me  
To a chair.  
You should not slash  
green eggs and ham.  
So do not slash them,  
Madam Spam.

_Could they do it_  
 _in a hut?_  
 _Could they do it_  
 _up the butt?_

They could not do it  
in a hut.  
They could not do it  
up the butt.  
They could not do it  
here or there.  
They could not do it  
anywhere.  
They can't have sex, they're eggs and ham.  
You cannot slash them, Madam Spam!

_Could they do it_  
 _on the floor?_  
 _Could they, up against_  
 _a door?_

Not on the floor,  
Against a door,  
Nor in a hut,  
Nor up the butt.  
I would not slash them here or there.  
Don't taunt me so. It's quite unfair!  
I cannot slash green eggs and ham.  
I will not slash them, Madam Spam.

_They could get drunk_  
 _In a bar!_  
 _Slash them! See how_  
 _Hot they are!_

They would not,  
could not,  
in a bar.

_You could slash them,_  
 _at a pinch._  
 _You could slash them_  
 _with the Grinch!_

I would not, could not with the Grinch.  
The mere idea would make me flinch!

Not with a fish that's red or blue.  
Not with Thing 1, not with Thing 2.  
Not with a cat that wears a hat.  
I'm simply not a fan of that.  
Not with a fox, not wearing socks.  
I don't care if YOU think it rocks.  
I cannot slash green eggs and ham.  
I will not slash them, Madam Spam.

_In France! In Spain!_  
 _In angst! In pain!_  
 _Would you like them_  
 _Wracked with pain?_

Oh, not again! No angst! No pain!  
No France, no Spain. Are you insane?

I won't read green egg emo fluff.  
I won't read ham-filled kinky stuff.  
No eggs and ham hurt/comfort fic.  
The very concept makes me sick.  
Not in a fridge. Not on a plate.  
I'm quite convinced they'd never date.  
I will not slash green eggs and ham.  
It is not canon, Madam Spam!

_Say!_  
 _In the park?_  
 _Or with a shark?_  
 _Something sexy, something dark?_

They would not, could not,  
in the park.

_Would they, in the rain or hail?_

They would not in the rain or hail.  
Not with a shark. Not with a whale.  
Not snorting coke. Not high on crack.  
They'd never end up in the sack.  
Not in the bath. Not in the hall.  
These two should not be slashed at all.  
Not for a bet. Not for a dare.  
I will not slash them anywhere!

_I thought you liked_  
 _green eggs and ham?_

But I won't  
slash them,  
Madam Spam.

_Could they, would they,_  
 _on a ship?_

They would not,  
could not,  
on a ship!

_Would they, could they,_  
 _with a whip?_

They could not, would not, with a whip,  
In chains or on an acid trip!  
I will not slash them on a train.  
Not torn apart with angst or pain.  
Not drunk on rum or wine or beer.  
Not swinging from a chandelier!  
I do not want them in a bed.  
I do not want them in my head.  
Not with a duck. Not with a swan.  
Green eggs and ham can't get it on!  
Believe me please, it's true, I swear  
I will not slash them ANYWHERE!

I cannot slash  
green eggs and ham.  
I will not slash them,  
Madam Spam.

_You will not slash them._  
 _So you say._  
 _Read some fanfic!_  
 _And you may._  
 _You may think my way, I say._

Fine!  
Although I disagree,  
I will read some...  
OMG!

Hey!  
I LOVE green eggs and ham!  
And I WILL slash them, Madam Spam!  
Yes, I will slash them, wrong or right  
And slash them twenty times a night!

And though I may have gone insane.  
I'll even slash them on a train.  
And in a bar. And out at sea.  
They are so frigging hot, you see!

And I will slash them with the Grinch  
A green and steamy three-way clinch  
And I will slash them up a tree  
And with a Mary-Sue of me.  
I can't resist this sexy pair.  
Yay! I will slash them EVERYWHERE!

Green eggs can SO have sex with ham!  
Don't blame me,  
Blame Madam Spam!

 

_THE END_  
 _(thankfully)_


End file.
